||[27 Feb 2011|10:16pm]
It has been over six years since i have actually made a post on this journal. i am actually shocked that i still remember the password for this thing. But i've needed an outlet for a long time for a few things in my life that have been bothering me and i am going to be very vague.
This past weekend was probably one of the most try and emotionally traumatizing points in time that i have had in a great long time. i do not even know where to begin other than to merely state what comes to mind first in a simple stream of consciousness.
i loved you then, i love you now, and i probably will always love you and have a special place in my heart for you.
Although you made it cry and bleed because of the way you treated me but you have to remember im not the same
girl you fell in love with anymore. And she is just a poor excuse for a replacement of me. You'll never find in her what
i gave you and you'll never get that from me again. Because im not going to let you hurt me anymore. im not going
to let you make me a target of hate or sadness. That ache that you will always have because of me, im sorry
theres nothing i can do about it. You made your choices and you will have to live with them. I hope that one day
you will realize what a horrible situation you have placed yourself in. And then i also hope you will pull yourself up
and pull yourself together and get the hell out of it and make something of yourself and not ruin your life.
This is me closing the book. and this is the time where i will turn and walk away. And never look back no matter
how much you want me to. I deserve so much more and i will not settle for anything less than happiness.
I am sorry, i love you dearly, im sorry for the pain we have caused each other, and im sorry i let you down in your eyes.
It was never, not once, my intention. once again, and this is forever the last time i will say it. I love you. Goodbye.
( feel it )
||[27 Oct 2004|10:08pm]
Friends only <3 comment to be added xo
(22 say they can feel it )
||[27 Jul 2004|10:44pm]
OK the song with nelly featuring jahiem my place is so my song lol i love it!!!!! lol oh yea a cute summer song.. and yea today was like normal went to bed at 4am up late talkin to ppl. woke up a lil late cuz my mom was gona drive me and then she called to say she cudnt so i ended up running late and i had to go in yoga pants and a sweatshirt it was gross out neways so not that big of a deal. and like yea read to kids and then got a ride home from emily nolan <3 shes a sweety. lol and yea made plans they got messed up cuz my mommy is a pain in the rear end wen it comes to driving in the rain. and hmm i watched the little princess today. it was more of a chillaxin day lol....i'll update more later idk wut else to say now lol <3 comment?
(10 say they can feel it )
||[26 Jul 2004|05:45pm]
went to bed at three was up late talking to peeps agen lol Woke up around 11 or so cuz i had to go to lh for work/volunteering. And of course i was LATE!stupid ppl dont obey the traffic signals or the walk signs ugh i hate drivers...... but i still cant wait to drive myself!lol and i saw the laura hutcheon on my way there i was like HELLO! it was a suprise and we were talkgin about how she got into trouble last night and thats why she couldnt come and join us at dans for the last samuri i was like laura we really needed u there i needed u....sniff sniff and all she did was laugh at me ::starts to tear:: and then we joked around and i had to go cuz i was getting even more late lol so i started walking really fast and almost got hit like 8979878979879797987897876652343453647 times lol. and wen i got there the kids were all like U DIED YOUR HAIR? U CUT IT TOO? bANGS? lol i was like uhhhh yea lol and then they were like ur nails (they acted liek they have never seen a dye job or nails painted lol) and yea we chilled in the library and laughed at the ridiculous book emily and i were reading to the lil guys (6th +7th graders i felt so old) and yea i didnt get to finsih i was like NOOOOOOOOOOO and so im going to steal one of the books tomorrow so i know the god damn freakin ending <- i shud have sed fucking since i swore in the other phrase but oh well....just thought i shud say that lol. and then i walked home and made plans with julie which later got cancelled and my mom told me to stay home tonight cuz she ses i go out to much i was like ahhhhhh w.e. i fell asleep idk why i was so tired (damn heat i think). and yea my brother left to go sleep over a friends (YESSSSSSSSSS) and my grandma left her birds here (names are lemon and lime ..yea i know my grams is a quack) lol the birds are cute tho. And so yeaaaa and my mother and i are going to watch a movie now i suggested snow white and the seven drawfs but she looked at me like i shud be in a phsyc ward so i guess we arent watching that... lol i'll just watch it later in my room.... while i talk to ppls online and yea im gonna go now b4 i bore u more xoxox and you know u wanna commment on this gay as entry lol <333333
P.S. michelle im sorry my mommy sed no tlak to me later and we can make plans for another day <3333333333 xoxo
(11 say they can feel it )
|Good song i had to put it in here (sex song lol)
||[26 Jul 2004|03:04pm]
SiC tRaNsiT gLoRiA ... gLoRy FaDes*
keep the noise low. she doesn`t wanna blow it. shaking head
to toe - while your left hand does *The show me around.*
quickens your heartbeat. it beats me straight into the ground
yoo doN`t recover from a night like this. A victim , still lying in
bed, cOmpletely mOtionless. a hand mOves in the Dark tO a
a zipper. hear a bOy bracing tight against Sheets - barely
whisper, *thiis is sO messed up.* upon arrival the guests had
all stared. dripping wet nd` cLearly depressed , he`d headed
straight for the stairs. n0 longer cool but a bOy in a stitch
uNprepared for a liife full Of lies aNd faiiling relAtionships. (up
the stAirs * the Statiion where the act becOmes the art of
growing up..) he keeps his hands low . he doesn`t Wanna
blow it. he`s wet frOm head to t0e nd` hiis eyes give her the
up and the down. His st0mach turns nd` he thiinks 0f thr0win
up . but the body on the bed beckOns forward nd` he starts
growiing up. the fever , the focus . the reas0ns that i had t0
believe y0o weren`t 2 hard to sell. die y0ung and save urself
the tickle, the taste of \ it used t0 be tHe reason i breathed
bUt now it`s chOking me up . die y0ung nd` save yOurseLf.
she Hits the lights . this d0esn`t Seem quiite faiir . Despite
everything He leArned frOm his friends - he doesn`t feel sO
prepared. she`s breathing quit nd` sm0oth - he`s gaspiin f0r
air. *This is the first nd` last time,* he says.she fakes a smile
and presses her hips into his . he keeps His hands pinned
down at his sides.he`s h0ldin back from tellin her exactly wAt
it really feels like. he is the lamb , she is the slaughter . she`s
moviing Way tOo fast aNd all He wanted Was tO hold her .
nothing that he tells her is really havin an effect. He whiispers
that he loves her , but she`s probably only looking for . . (Up
the stairs - the station Where the act bec0mes the art 0f
growing up.) so much more than he could ever give . a life
free Of lies and a meaningful relationship.He keeps hiis hands
pinned Down at hiis siides. he waiits for it to end and for the
aching in his guts to Subside.the fever,the focus-the reas0ns
that i had to believe yoo Weren`t too hard to sell. Diie young
and save yourself. the tickle, the taste of .. it Used t0 be the
the reason i breathed - but n0w it`s ch0kin me up .diie y0ung
and save yourself . up the staiirs - the Station where the act
becomes the art of grOwiing up. tHe fever , the focus . the
reasons that i Had to believe yoo weren't too hard to sell.Diie
young and save yourself. the tickle , the taste of . . it used
to be the reason i breathed but Now it`s choking me up .
Die young and save yourself. «-- *bRaNd NeW * x0x
^really fuckin good song kinda creepy in some parts tho lol
(7 say they can feel it )
||[26 Jul 2004|12:26am]
i woke up late, was up late online talking. made plans with dan and pete to go to the movies but that didnt work out and a few ppl cudnt go so the three of us just chilled at my house and watched eurotrip which my parents walked in on all the right moments so they didnt see or hear nething bad! CLUb VaNDERSEXXX <- hahaha bondage club so freakin funny. and then matt, ant, and greg came for a suprise visit and watched some of the movie yea that was funny. dan went nuts taking pictures and eating salsa chips pete went after my anime books and listened to his yellowcard cd. it was interesting. ant, matt and greg eventually left for ants to go swimming and such since ant had just gotten back from camp and wudnt shut up about it lol its ok ant we really did miss u even matt did cuz he wudnt shut up... oh wait i wasnt supposed to say that he wanted to pull the whole i didnt miss u thing lol ahahahah well i busted that. and yea then pete, dan, and i watched some of alien ressurectiong while dan and i founght for control of the other half of the couch because pete took over the rest and i helped him make a wall so dan couldnt cross it to his side... lol dan kicked my in the ribs i put him in a headlock until he turned purple and yea yea yea it was cool until he tickled me to death and had to let go due to unsubdueable laughter. yes yes it was much fun.
and then after those lovely men left and went home to dans for sleep i went upstairs and talked to people from 12am till 7am. Prositute came on!!!! i missed u ally!!!! come back from soccer camp i love you!!!! lol yea we had a little chat on how much she has missed. and then my leg started to fall asleep and my back hurt so i went to sleep and woke up around 1 wen my parents went to the grogerie store.
so im awake and i drag my self downstairs and go to the kitchen and make myself and delicious turkey sandwhich and some pink lemonade. and i went upstairs and started to watch the sword in the stone <- an aswome disney movie i must say! i love the owl hes such an asshole lol. and i talked to dan and pete online about the plans because the kate mcclain wanted to chill with them. And i was talking to The Alison Gomer and she got mad cuz i wanted to watch the movie and wen i came back she had signed off and was like i wud have left you love but u left me and didnt come back and she told me how she was going to punk joe, but i felt bad i didnt come back in time im sorry my love i love you still! my no.12 wife!! and so they got messed up wen dan cudnt call back and so the movies were shot and we went to julies kate and i. And i got there and was all flusterd cuz i hadnt finished doing my hair which is a new cut i have to style and i love it, and so i used the bernblumes little purple hair dryer that ATE MY HAIR!!! and so we took my hair out of that and tghey got me the other hair dryer and it kept dying so it had to keep unplugging it and letting it cool down! ugh it was so stressful! my poor hair i messed up too!lol and then we walked to the smiths house and picked up kayley <- i think thats how u spell it lol. kayley<- is julies name for kaitlyn smith (silly i know but we must not question the julie). and so we called dan and i was like DUDE WUT HAPPENED and yea he told me and then i convinced him to have the four of us girls go to his house since he invited jon over there so they wudnt have to haul ass over to julies. and yes we started watching some retarded caveman movie and decided it wasnt a good choice and so we switched to the last samuri which i thourghly enjoyed and pete and i kept exchanging thoughts since i was right next to him. and dan had my feet and for a while i was a seat for jon so he could be near dan his gay lover <- hahahahahahahahahaah lmao neways and reese came for a visit! and then she left for the movies, jon left around 11, kayley left around 10:30, and kate julie and i left around 11:45 i wasnt too pleased at that motion since the movie only had about 10 more minutes i was liek NOOOOOOOO i wanted to see the final stand! now i have to rent it oh bother or maybe i'll just go harrase dan and watch it agen with him lol. who knows and well now im online and in a few im going to go and watch the rest of the sword in the stone <- oh archemedes (the owl) rocks my sox!
xoxo leave comments <3333
(15 say they can feel it )
|stole this from michelle hehehe iluv u
||[24 Jul 2004|12:36pm]
1. Your Name: Courteney
2. Your Nickname: Court, Suga, Cookie, u name it lol
3. Your Birthday: June, 24th
4. Your Age Now: 15
5. Your Location: Milford
6. School Grade: 10
7. Sex: Female
8. Zodiac Sign: Cancer
1. Hair Color: Brown
2. Eye color: brown
3. Skin color: White
4. Height: 5'2"
5. Shoe size: 6.5 - 7
6. Do you care about the way you look?: def
7. Do you get tanned?: yes wen i feel like sitting in the sun i get dark
8. Do you have big ears?: um no they are kinda tiny
9. Do you have contacts or glasses?: yes both
Have I Ever...
1. Eaten an entire box of Oreo's?: uh no yuck
2. Gotten in a car accident?: no
3. Watched "Punky Brewster"?: ummmmm wuts that?
4. Hiked a mountain?: uhh sorta?
5. Death Valley on horseback?: no..
6. Stayed home on a Saturday night just because?: hahah def
In the Past Week Have I...
1. Cried?: no
3. Cut your hair?: yea
4. Worn a skirt?: no
5. Worn a tie?: def not
6. Been mean?: uhh i dont think so
7. Been sarcastic?: hahaha every other word
8. Gone for a walk?: yea
9. Gone out for dinner?: no
10. Met someone new?: hmmm idr
11. Taken a test?: no
12. Talked to an ex: yea
13. Missed an ex?: kinda sorta maybe yea maybe no
14. Hugged someone?: hah def
15. Kissed someone?: Nah
16. Danced with someone?: nah
17. Had a nightmare?: does waking up cuz u felt like u were falling count? lol
18. Fought with your parents?: yea
// YOUR ROOM, WAKING UP //
01. What color are your walls?: pink... sadly
02. What color is your bedspread/sheets: white
03. What color is your rug?: a mizture of greens pinks tans and stuff its floral.
04. Any posters/bulletin boards/designs in your room?: yea
05. Do you have a TV? Is it big?: yea ..idk wut u classify as big
06. Do you have a phone?: a cell fone?
07. Do you have your own computer?: yea
08. Do you have a desk?: yea computers on it
09. What are your most treasured belongings in your room?: cds,tv,pictures, computer, certain possesions with sentimential value.
10. What are your most favorite things in your room?: my bed and computer
11. Do you have any fancy lights in your room?: yea i have over head halogen lights, decoritive sun and moon lights.
// GETTING READY //
01. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?: hit the snooze button and go back to sleep until like 3 in the afternoon
02. Anything unusual?: sometimes to get myself away i purposly roll out of the bed
03. Do you pick out your clothes the night before school?: i go to an all girl catholic school with uniforms does it seem like i need to pick ne shit out? eh? eh? thats wut i thought.
04. Do you try your best to look cute for school?: hahah why shud i care wut a bunch of girls think of me?
// HOME //
When you come home are you. . .
01. Miserable?: Nah
02. Happy?: sure
03. Tired? i sleep in school
04. LEAVE ME ALONE?: ahahaha yea
// OTHER //
01. Do you take walks around your neighborhood sometimes?: yea to cool off
02. What are some hobbies of yours?: dancing around my house, karate, playing sports for fun, i draw . n other stuff
03. Do you collect anything?: snow globes, perfumes, and perfume bottles and certain books.
04. What do you do in your spare time?: online, read, music, tv, stuff? y do u care?
05. Are you in love, or at least falling?: no comment... hahaha lol j/k no
// NIGHT TIME //
01. What do you do before you go to bed?: computer, fone , blast music to piss off parentals.
02. Do you kiss your parents/guardians goodnight, or just say "goodnight"?: goodnight sumtimes i give em a kiss on the cheek. <- only wen in really good mood lol
03. What way do you sleep (ex: on your side, tummy, etc.)?: tummy or side depending
04. Do you like your life?: haha yea
Last cigarette: i quit thanx greg!!
Last car ride: to pick up dan and pete for our chillin nite
Last kiss: hmmm idr lol i guess it wasnt that good hahahaha
Last good cry: hmmm try like dec.
Last library book checked out: havent been to the library in years lol
Last movie seen: A cinderella story <- which kicked ass chad is so fuckin hott!
Last book read: hmmmm kill me kiss me
Last cuss word uttered: ummm idk i swear alot... i think it was fuck wen dans foot went into my rib cage lol nice one dan.
Last beverage drank: sum coke
Last food consumed: tostitos
Last crush: hmmmm idk lol
Last phone call: kate the great called me from mandaS!!!!!!!!!!
Last TV show watched: ummm i watched the movie channel lol alien ressurection
Last time showered: This morning
Last shoes worn: AE sandels pretty periwinkle hehee
Last CD played: Yellow Card!!! ocean avenue!!
Last item bought: prolly a cd
Last downloaded: maroon 5 she will be loved
Last annoyance: I dont know
Last disappointment: uhhh a long time ago?
Last soda drank: coke
Last thing written: coke
Last key used: the enter key
Last word spoken: movie
Last sleep: this morning
Last IM: to steve
Last ice cream eaten: umm klondike bar at alisons!!!<33333
Last time amused: Today
Last time wanting to die: hmm i think years ago
Last time in love: a while ago
Last time hugged: dan n pete wen they left
Last time scolded: hmm like 5 mins ago
Last time resentful: hmmmm i 4get
Last chair sat in: dis one
Last lipstick used: i 4get wuts it called its like pink and sparkly
Last show attended: uhhh dik
Last web page visited: alisons journal my blankie<3333333
1. Color: green
2. Song: trapt these walls
3. Band: nirvana
4. Thing to do: sleep hehee
5. Sports team: Mets!
6. Holiday: halloween and christmas are sooo in a tie
7. Day of the week: Friday!!!!!
1. Where were you born?: Milford
2. What is your birthdate? June 24th 1989
3. What are your parents' names?: Debra and bruce
1. Who is your best friend(s)?: Kate ally julie dan pete alison amanda ppl
2. Which one always makes your day?: kate and dan
3. Do you know what you would do without your friend(s)? uhhh no idea
4. Which one have you known the longest?: kate
5. Which one have you known the shortest?: alison well i knew of her we r recently good friends and michelle richitelli gawd i love dat gurl xoxox and cody shes cool!!
6. Which one makes you smile?: ALL OF EM!!!!!!!
i stole this from michelle michelle forgive me i luv u!!!xoxo
(14 say they can feel it )
|Just got home
||[24 Jul 2004|06:28am]
Woke up ... went to sandy's where she was supposed to dye my hair a dark blonde only it came out more brown and we did this cute cut lol then we dropped my brother home and got manicures and pedicures. and wen i got home there was a spidey in my room and so i made my dad kill it lol. he was striped and scary lookin. and so here i am now checking movie times i will update later and let me thank cody once agen for this darling journal! your a doll! and thanku michelle for the cute little mesage phrase it is most appreaciated!
(4 say they can feel it )
||[23 Jul 2004|09:06pm]
Grade 10 1st semester
Homeroom: M203 Advisor: Mrs. D'Ambruoso
period 1: biology 2 Mrs. Aaronson
period 2: Guidance 2 Mrs. Foster
period 3: English 2 Mrs. Gallagher
period 4: French 2 Dr. Moller
Period 5: French 2 Dr. Moller
period 6: blank
period 7: Geometry Mrs. Cook <- the coolest teacher on this earth
period 8: U.S Government Mrs horton
period 1: Graphic design Mrs. Yarmosh
period 2: biology
period 3: The Sacraments Sister Dot
period 4: English 2
period 5: English 2
period 6: blank
period 7: French 2
period 8: geometry
period 1: U.S. Government
period 2: P.E./Health Mrs. McGowan
period 3: biology 2
period 4: the Sacraments
period 5: the Sacraments
period 6: blank
period 7: English 2
period 8: French 2
period 1: Geometry
period 2: U.S. Govt
period 3: Graphic Design
period 4: blank
period 5: biology
period 6: biology
period 7: The Sacraments
period 8: English
Period 1: French 2
period 2: Geometry
period 3: U.S. govt.
period 4: P.E/Health
period 5: blank
period 6: P.E/ health
period 7: biology
period 8: The Sacraments
period 1: English 2
period 2: French 2
period 3: geometry
period 4: U.S. Govt.
period 5: blank
period 6: U.S. Govt.
period 7: Graphic Design
period 8: biology 2
period 1: The Sacraments
period 2: English 2
period 3: French 2
period 4: Geometry
period 5: Geometry
period 6: blank
period 7: U.s. Govt.
period 8: P.E./Health
comment if ur in ne of my classes will post second semester later xoxox
(2 say they can feel it )
|Im at Alison
||[23 Jul 2004|08:31pm]
Im at Alison's!!! and i love her and i straightened her hurr lol. and i took over her computer and she only let me cuz i sed she cud do my nails, and at the moment im typing with one hand, ouch hes hurting me cuz she cant get the nail polish off! shes bracing my hand against the desk lol crazy. and now my hand is tired from typing all by itself..... julie is sitting on the bed watching the country music channel for some reason... and she told us about how she visited her family at some farm camp lol and her trip to the wax museum...lol funnnnnnnn. and um yea thankyou agen cody u made it so pretty and chad xoxoxooxoxxoxoxooooxo i loooove you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Courteney<333333
(5 say they can feel it )
||[23 Jul 2004|07:31pm]
hehe this soo cool girl named cody anne rayher made me this pretty darn cool journal for me.. man i sure do love her :) <3
(3 say they can feel it )